Saturday, March 15, 2008

The 50 Best Ways to Approach Life

1.你知道没有一个人比你重要,也没有一个人不重要。
1.You understand that no one is more important than you are, and that no one is less important.

2.你明白你是别具一格的,而你对这个世界的贡献是独一无二的。
2.You understand that you are unique, and that you have a unique contribution to make to this world.

3.你认识到生活里没有错误,只有教训。
3.You realize that there are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

4.你每天改进你的为人和自我认识。
4.You work daily to improve your skills and self-knowledge.

5.你为自己尽了最大的努力而自豪。
5.You take pride in doing your best.

6.你在与你一起工作和生活的人当中增加你的自信。
6.You promote self-confidence in the people with whom you work and live.

7.你实践着自己所说的,你走你的路。
7.You practice what you preach; you walk your talk.

8.你很好地适应变化。
8.You adapt to change quickly.

9.你把问题看成是挑战,面对它微笑。
9.You see problems as challenges, and press on with a smile.

10.你能承担风险和不确定性。
10.You're able to take risks and deal with uncertainty.

11.你调整自己的步伐。
11.You space yourself (by the hour, by the month, by the year).

12.你想办法消除生活中工作和家庭里不必要的压力。
12.You look for ways to remove the unnecessary stressors in your life - at work, at home.

13.你用你的头而不是背去思考和事先计划,节省你的精力。
13.You use your head instead of your back-you think things through and plan ahead in order to conserve your physical energy.

14.你能够关照一堆工作,但你沉着地一次解决一个。
14.You're able to look at a stack of work and tackle one thing at a time calmly.

15.你从过去中学习,为将来计划,为眼前活着。
15.You learn from the past, plan for the future, and live in the present.

16.当你感到身心疲惫时,你采取行动轻松。因此,小压力不会堆积成山。
16.The moment you feel physical or mental distress, you take action to relieve it,
  so that the small stresses - molehills- don't become mountains.

17.你看到的是完成期而不是截止期。
17.You see finish lines, rather than deadlines.

18.你明白生活中10%是由所发生的事构成的,另外90%是由我们如何对付这些事而构成的。
18.You understand that life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it.

19.对你不能改变的事,你能够平静地生活之中。对你能改变的事,你有勇气去改变它们。你有智慧区别这两种的不同。
19.You are able to live in peace with the things you cannot change; you have the courage to change the things that you can change, and you have the wisdom to know the difference.

20.你培养你的幽默感。
20. You nurture your sense of humor ("No humor, no creativity, know humor, know creativity").

21.你用想象去产生新的可能性。
21.You use your imagination to come up with new possibilities.

22.你说:“如果……就会……”而不是说“是的……但是……”。
22.You say "What if..?" instead of, "Yes, but…"

23.你把直觉、经验、思辩和分析结合起来。
23.You combine intuition, experience, insight, and analytical thinking.

24.你设法使工作变得有趣。
24.You find ways to make work fun.

25.你对生活很在意,但对你自己一点都不在乎。
25.You take life seriously, but yourself not at all.

26.你正面看人,看他人身上的长处。
26.You are positive- you look for the good in everyone.

27.你训练有素,努力优秀。
27.You are a professional – you strive for excellence.

28.你积极行动,不等待“危机”的到来。
28.You are proactive – you don’t wait for a “crisis” to occur.

29.你追求进步,你的目标是超过你过去的成就。
29.You are progressive – you aim to surpass your past accomplishments.

30.你富有成果,按时完成做好事情。
30.You are productive – you get the job done right, and on time.

31.你讲究质量,创造精品和优良服务。
31.You are profitable – you create quality products and services that help others.

32.你平衡你的工作与家庭。
32.You make good moment-by-moment choices concerning your well-being.

33.你即时为自己的健康做出选择。
33.You balance work and family life.

34.你休息好充满精力地去上班。
34.You arrive at work with your batteries fully charged.

35.你对身体、精神和灵魂同等重视。
35.You give equal attention to the health of body, mind, and soul.

36.如果必要,你寻求专业人士的建议。
36. You seek professional advice or counseling if, and when, needed.

37.当其他人都垂头丧气的时候,你能吸取内在力量坚持住。
37. You tap inner reserves so you’re able to keep up your morale when everyone is losing theirs.

38.你采取主动性,不需要或很少需要别人的监督。
38. You have initiative and are able to operate with little or no supervision.

39.你对你的行为负责。
39.You accept responsibility for your actions.

40.你把帮助和爱别人看成是自己的生活使命。
40.You see your life’s mission as that of helping and loving others.

41.你能把自己的思想和需要表达得很清楚很准确。
41.You are able to express your ideas and your needs clearly and concisely.

42.你提问题并注意倾听。
42.You ask questions and actively listen.

43.你有两个耳朵一只嘴,记住听是说的两倍。
43.You have two ears and one mouth, and you remember to listen twice as much as you talk.

44.你关切别人的需要和感受。
44.You are sensitive to the needs and feelings of co-workers, residents, family, and friends.

45.你与不同能力和个性的人都能处好关系。
45.You relate well to people with different abilities and personalities.

46.你管好你自己的事情。
46.You mind your own business.

47.你原谅,有同情心。
47.You are forgiving and compassionate.

48.你能接受矛盾,快乐地解决它。
48.You accept contradiction and correction cheerfully.

49.你能在协商中妥协。
49.You are able to compromise and yield in a discussion.

50.你有耐心,大方,彬彬有礼,并且考虑周到。
50.You are patient, kind, courteous, and considerate.

真诚心声

Hey Boo.. Finally found e song.. haha..

anyone.. this is a nice song people..
歌手:
许绍洋
哭一生笑一生~何不快乐过一生
人心变幻莫测~喜怒哀乐集一身
哭一生笑一生~前方无尽的前程
用真心交换了~每份真诚的心声
from this day we are the one
kitalah sehati sejiwa(马来西亚语)
heart to heart we shaing together
kawanlah belita hidup ku (马来西亚语)
kawanlah belita hidup ku (马来西亚语)

如果可以


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Stupid lawyers


The following are transcripts from actual documented court hearings.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This 'Myasthenia Gravis', does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you've forgot?


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when you woke up? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: Well, my name is Susan.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? or
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


Q: Now doctor, is it not true that when a person dies during sleep, they
do not know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: And was this a male, or a female individual?


Q: Is your appearance here this morning due to the notice that I had
sent to your representing attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: Your responses must be oral, got that? Okay, Did you attend school?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Were you qualified to give a urine sample?


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then, it is at all possible the patient may of been alive?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.


The Hitman and the Golfer

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said. "You're welcome."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hitman"

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"Do you mind if I take a look? I think I might be able to see my House from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the Direction of is house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour In there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."


Things That Only Happen In The Movies

Did you ever notice that certain things only happen in the movies, but never happen in real life? For example:

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.